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good advice

It took me a very long time to get comfortable presenting as female in public under most situations and in this video Dara Hoffman-Fox gives some suggestions as to how to become more immune to any stares you might invite as you go out into the world...

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you tell 'em Jen

Jen is a millennial who will tell you exactly what she thinks...

I share some reader feedback

I do not normally do this and but the risk of irritating one of my readers I have decided to print her question and my response because this is the kind of situation that many of us have found ourselves in and is very relevant. There is struggle involved in having gender dysphoria and no solution is simple but maybe by my sharing this we can add some more light on this difficult reality.

Q:"Hi Joanna,

This question is more of a personal question from me, I hope not too personal.

Seeing your more popular posts titled "looking past cross gender arousal" and "understanding the erotic component", I find myself in the predicament of being happily married for the last 22 years with two boys, 16 (high school) and 18 (college), a loving wife and an otherwise great life. It has taken a lot of time, and a lot of me messing up, but my wife is fine now with my cross-dressing, but not the erotic component.

The desire to express my feminine side has been there as long as I …

Painted smile

Ray Thomas of the Moody Blues passed away last week. He was 76 years old and a founding member of one of the bands who (along with the Beatles) arguably was the most significant in founding the art rock movement of the 1970's.

Justin Hayward was the lead singer but here is one of my favorite songs that Ray sang from his time with the Moodys..."Painted Smile".


It’s all relative.

Some people can dress once a month and be happy with that and consider it progress while others cannot abide one more day without transitioning.

I dress every single day even if it is only for an hour. Sometimes it is because I have gotten home late and need to get some groceries and, because it doesn’t take me long anymore and can be ready in 15 minutes, I do it without hesitation. It really represents an important part of my identity which brings me much peace and comfort.

I came from a long way back and how I live my life now would be an unacceptable situation particularly for those of you who are married and whose trans identity is not exactly welcome. But there is no going back and what I have attained now is the best compromise I can muster and still live an honest life which reflects who I am. The only possible variation left would be to work as Joanna; something which is still under consideration.

The process has been so slow and organic that I cannot point…


Judgement isn’t something we are born with; we develop it. It involves looking at a situation and the possible outcomes based on the criteria at hand. I think it also involves a good deal of “do no harm” approach to navigate whatever waters we are in.

They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions and for good reason: using only intention as a substitute for good judgement can spell trouble; after all good intention is more subjective since it doesn’t weight possible outcomes. If I enter a business deal with only good intentions and don’t weight the possibility that my new business partner is a crook it is not enough to tell them so after they have cheated you.

Sound judgement is something you hone and develop over time and experience and hope you have enough of it by the time you reach a certain age. Not everyone develops it to the same level and navigate through life without learning its full value. If we acquire any it can be the result of a series of painful life experie…

the beauty of winter

It was a frigid day, the sun was out and we had just come off a huge snow storm but that blue sky made all the difference.

I took this picture from my front porch yesterday morning...