Friday, 14 February 2014

My gender role

I may be biologically male but, at my age, I no longer work on actively promoting my masculinity or use it as a shield to avoid any suspicion of my being transgendered.

I consider myself a human being first and my gender role is less important than it’s ever been. It’s not that I detest my maleness or am ashamed of it but rather that I feel less attached to it than I used to. I am also fine with not being a woman and don’t desire to be one.

I am who I am.

With increasing age, my testosterone levels are decreasing and I am even developing a mild case of gynecomastia. Perhaps this too has played a part in letting down my guard.

I also don’t care about what others think.

Joanna has become a known entity in her own right. In a sense, she is my alter ego but she is really just me with the additional liberties to be able to behave and gesture more freely and more expressively.

Recently, I had been thinking about whether I should tell the few people who know me exclusively as Joanna the truth. But then I think: what difference does it make in what way I present since they are still dealing with the same person only in a different guise? Revealing everything now could cost me the candour I have gained from them and potentially destroy the pleasure of their acquaintance.

It had become tedious to go out as Joanna without human interaction and having now gained that I would not want to lose it.

It’s interesting how as life develops, we change and grow into new beings all the time. Things that were previously not possible suddenly become our norm.

It actually boggles my mind when I think about it.

2 comments:

  1. Joanna,

    In male mode I have 60 plus years of experiences, friends, co-workers, etc. who have come to know me as the big mellow friendly guy that I present as most of the time. These people do not need to have their lives impacted by the big 'reveal' that there may be a second personna that was there all along hiding in plain sight but out of their live of vision and comprehension. Plus I have the concern that coming out to anyone would shed an odd light on my wife and family.

    In my Pat personna, however, I feel at liberty to be candid to all that I may encounter. For me it is easiest to simply start of as being a CD or a guy in a dress, whatever. I do nto think that I pass and to whatever extent that I may pass from time to time I know that it is not all the time so I find it liberating to simply connect with people, whether the be other T folks or civilians as a T person.
    Pat

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  2. I agree with you Pat yet its unfortunate that we must hide a part of ourselves that need not be hidden away for fear of ridicule.

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