Monday, 10 February 2014

Nothing to fear

Fear is your enemy.

It impedes your clear thinking and keeps you from achieving your goal – which in my case was deciding who and what I was.

If you are afraid to step out and actualize yourself, the frustration can keep you from being happy with your status as a crossdresser or trans person or whatever designation fits where you are on the gender spectrum. Fear will also keep some people from becoming the women they truly are.

Either way, fear will stunt your growth as a person.

I can’t blame anyone for having it as I was paralyzed by it for the longest time. Rather than face my gender issues head on, I avoided them and hoped they would go away on their own. I refused to give in to my feelings and the frustration slowly built until it all boiled over.

After guilt and shame, fear is your next major hurdle.

Eliminating my fear has freed me from entertaining any further thoughts of transition. It’s only when I allowed myself to be who I was that the uncertainty lifted. This is very important because in your state of fear and confusion you cannot think clearly or make a decision.

None of this is easy but it must be done because major evaluations must be made with a clear head. You may not be able to change your nature but you can embrace it and, in so doing, draw satisfaction from the way you are rather than fighting it.

If I can do it you can too because I came from so far back and with so much baggage. If you are a young person today you would likely have faced much less indoctrination than I did. My fear kept me in a state of perennial dissatisfaction, which only increased my level of doubt about what I should do.

For the longest I was fighting only myself and my own biases about what a male was permitted to do. I was my own worst enemy and simply accepting and embracing the fact that, for whatever reason, I enjoy wearing women’s clothes and going out in public was a panacea to me. I don’t need to dissect and understand this to be able to just enjoy the merits that this brings me.

My message is simple: don’t be afraid to be yourself. As long as you are not hurting others, have the courage to be who you are even if you aren’t liked, understood or appreciated by everyone in society.

3 comments:

  1. Dear Joanna,
    I have borne this feeling of being female since preschool. And because my ultimate authority @ the time, my Mother, told me in no uncertain tones and terms that little boys can't be little girls, I learned fear, shame, and guilt, that I could not be what I felt myself to be.
    It has only been the past few years that I have been able to somewhat accept myself as I am. I would like to thank you for your insightful, and helpful words of encouragement.

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  2. I understand only too well Pat of what you speak. My pleasure...

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  3. I am totally with you hear Joanna.

    Monica M

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