Tuesday, 25 February 2014

Sites that promote stopping crossdressing...

I have been to a number of these sites in my life. The sites where the repentant crossdresser has found a way to cure his “addiction” and promises to never do it again. We are not always entirely clear about how and why they began and we understand little about their motivation to stop. They usually state in some fashion that they feel they are doing something wrong.

When I was in my teens and as far as my mid thirties I had no fear about conquering this “habit” of mine and felt that I could easily control it if I desired and so when I went to these sites I believed them. I knew that I only indulged my impulses a few times a year and then purged all of my things. Along with that purge came the promise to never do it again.

But the urge would always return and, with the passing of time, with increasing intensity.

I began to be truly concerned in my early forties when I began to understand that this was something I might be permanently saddled with and needed to address. I needed to find a cure so I began my treatment at the hospital gender clinic in an earnest attempt to find a solution.

That solution ultimately became self acceptance.

For the young people who may find themselves at one of these stop crossdressing sites, my only counsel would be to understand at best as you can who you are first. You may have arrived at the webpage of a person who is nothing like you and has different motivations for crossdressing. What they find objectionable about it need not be your concern and you should not use their arguments as ammunition for stopping.

If crossdressing helps you to stay balanced and sane then by all means continue. If, on the other hand, it harms your life in some ways then try to curb it or even cease if you are able.

Remember that there is nothing intrinsically wrong with crossdressing. If it runs your life and prevents you from being the best employee, parent, partner or friend that you can be then there may be something harmful in it for you. Conversely, it could be just part of what makes you tick and you should indulge it to the degree that it bolsters your psyche and helps you live as the person you were meant to.

There are no two people who are alike in this world so the ultimate judgement call needs to come from you.

Accepting your crossdressing could prevent you from a transition you might regret because while you are in that state of confusion about what your activity may or may not mean, you could fall prey to thinking that it would be better to be a normal woman rather than an abnormal male.

Renee Richards, who now considers she was a lifelong committed transvestite, wishes that someone had stopped her from transitioning and offered alternative treatment methods. She now deeply regrets her transition.

If you are a woman then you should transition but you should only do so when you come to terms with who you truly are. Dreaming about the aspects you think you would relish about being a woman can lead you into a deep pink fog which can sometimes confuse things. I know because I was deep in the throes of that process at one time; a good deal of it is chronicled here in this blog.

There is nothing wrong with being a crossdressing male and if that’s what you are then you should be glad that’s all there is. If there is something more to your cross-dressing however, then you will know it in time. Your heart will let you know.

My recent work with a therapist, who helped me deal with issues pertinent to my relationship with N, had him offering me this statement:
“You are a unique human being and what you do is different from anyone else. You are being true to your nature and are happier for it and have learnt to truly be yourself”

He was right.

4 comments:

  1. Your points are all good and valid. The old saying about time healing all wounds is partially on point. It takes time for things to develop and come clear. On a personal level I am comfortable being a cross dresser. I often say that my 'coming out' as a CD was the longest in histore because it took me decades to reach a comfort level with the activity, its urges and impulses.
    Pat

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  2. I am now comfortable with that description as well. It does indeed take decades...

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  3. Wise words. The best advice on personal matters comes from inside. Nobody knows you like you know yourself, you are your own best counsellor. If you can understand how you really feel, then it's best to act on that.

    I would also say that other people - or what they have written - can very often be an aid to that understanding. They can introduce you to ideas and concepts that you would never otherwise know about. So it pays not to hide from a cross-dressing habit, but face up to it, and research information about it, including the formal medical theory and all shades of published personal experience. Having absorbed this spectrum of opinion, it will be easier to see what to do and where to go.

    Lucy

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    1. Thank you lucy. I value your input because you run a very lucid and well writren blog which I have visited from time to time...

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