Skip to main content

The road to fulfillment

Gender identity might be more about what’s between our ears than anything else. Yes, biology determines birth sex but it appears that much of what we consider gender identity varies from person to person with the acceptability of certain types of behaviour hinging on the cultural norms of the period. In other words, people are as feminine or masculine as they feel and the degree to which they deviate from the accepted norm for their time and place, will determine their punishment or reward.

There are very masculine women and very feminine men and we have all known or met at least one such person in our lifetime. Most of these people are comfortable with their birth sex. The reason why others are not still remains a mystery.

I have sometimes wondered what the world might be like if people were allowed to express themselves freely and choose a manner of gender presentation that fit their internal image of themselves. Would the sometimes erratic and schizophrenic behaviour experienced by many gender confused individuals be eliminated if they were permitted to fully realize themselves in childhood? Might some transitions be avoided? Might some happen sooner?

Perhaps yes but I don’t have a definite answer to that question.

I have read countless upon countless accounts of people who exhibited atypical gender behaviour and ambiguity early in childhood who were met with derision and chastisement; many of these stories mirror my own. The response of the child was most often rooted in trying to eradicate, suppress or hide this behaviour in order to conform. However, this invariably came at high cost and the subsequent efforts to undo years of harm often meant the end of marriages and family relationships at a later stage in life.

By the time the individual became self realized an entire lifetime may have been consumed in trying to become who they truly were.

Everyone deserves to be happy and to have their internal image of themselves recognized and accepted by their family and peers but breaking gender norms is still a significant taboo in many if not most cultures.

The world is changing and it is easier today than when I was a child but there is still much work to be done. I have taken the hard road to self fulfillment and would like to hope that others can be spared this path since much of it should be entirely avoidable. It all seems so ridiculous and anticlimactic to me now, but for the longest time it was a complicated riddle which I needed to solve.

It’s all about giving yourself the freedom and permission to be who you are – and that is as simple or as complicated as you allow it to be.

One of the main reasons this blog continues to exist is to offer encouragement to others who are still on their own path and trying to figure things out.

Comments

  1. I am glad that you are realizing that your blog serves the purpose or providing support, encouragement and understanding to others. I am glad to see you back on the regular blog scene.
    Pat

    ReplyDelete
  2. I am glad you think so Pat. Thank you!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

looking past cross gender arousal

Jack’s latest Crossdreamers post got me thinking about cross gender arousal and how it could be avoided; also whether it even matters. This with particular focus on the inability to relate of someone on the outside looking in.

You see, sexuality is a very complicated thing to begin with and when you then add gender identity ambiguity it becomes a recipe to really confuse someone.

So imagine that you are a little boy who identifies as a girl but then along comes puberty and short circuits everything by having the sex you identify with also be the sex you are attracted to. For in essence this is what happens to all all male to female gender dysphoric trans persons who are attracted to women.

So I ask myself: can I imagine a scenario where this inherent contradiction would not produce sexual confusion? The answer is that I cannot.

I am in the unique position, like many of you, to have experienced an early identification with the feminine become sexualized later on. This brought confusion…

another coming out

Recently I had lunch with one of the young estimators who occasionally works with me here in Toronto. We were chatting about work and our respective lives when she queried about my love life:

“So how is it going on that front. Meet anyone interesting lately?”

I reflected for a moment and then said:

“My situation is a little particular and if you don’t mind I can share something about myself”

She leaned in a bit and told me to please go ahead.

“I am trans” I said matter of factly.

She looked at me and smiled and said:

“Really? That’s so neat”

She is 35 years old and a lovely person which is why I knew I could confide in her. I then added that I had been reflecting on whether I would switch companies and begin working as Joanna and although she is totally open she also knows how conservative our business can be. So I told her that if I did decide to it would definitely be under a different umbrella.

Then yesterday I was coming back to my place and the lady who rents it to me, who is abo…

feeling sexy

Here are the results of a recent survey of genetic women:

“A new hairdo, walking in heels and a glowing tan are among the things that make a woman feel sexy. Freshly applied lipstick, newly-shaved legs and a little black dress also have a positive effect on the psyche”

Are you surprised? I’m not because it is exactly the same list that makes transgender women feel sexy.

For a long time the idea was pandered about that transsexualism was rooted exclusively in aberrant sexuality. But of course you cannot separate the sexuality from the individual because that forms part of their overall makeup and the fact that genetic and transsexual women overlap here surprises no one.

We should also add here that women aren't always thinking about sex and neither are transgender women.

Pre transition transsexuals would not readily admit they found these things sexy because they were afraid to be seen as perverted men in front of gatekeepers who understood nothing about their condition.

Today we kn…