Saturday, 30 April 2016

these people don't think

One of the reasons these bathroom bills demonstrate they don’t come from the intellectually gifted is that you cannot actually perfectly enforce them. Imagine a young and feminine pre-op transsexual woman entering the woman’s bathroom. Are you going to give her a genital inspection before she is admitted entry?

I suspect that most young transsexuals already use the ladies’ room without incident and these bills are really more about late transitioners who don’t pass well. But remember that there are also a number of genetic women who actually look and dress quite masculine. Are you going to inspect their genitals as well just to be sure?

We know that transgender people just want to use the facilities and get out of there and I have been doing that now for many years when I am out as Joanna without any incident. I suspect that even if some women suspected I might not have been born female they could see by my respectful attitude and body language that I was not there to do anything indecent. Conversely, using the men’s bathroom could be an invitation to violence. Imagine a gang of rowdy teen boys preying on an older transgender woman.

Men are more likely to resort to violent reactions than women however last year I remember reading about a middle aged transgender woman being assaulted in a McDonald’s bathroom by a gang of teenage girls. She had simply wanted to use the services and leave but had been spotted and was brutally attacked simply for being transgender.

So now we are enacting legislation against people who already have a high rate of suicide among their ranks and who are routinely discriminated against simply for being who they are. The presumption by these misinformed legislators is that being transgender is somehow associated with perversity which couldn't be further from the truth. Education is going to take a while especially for the dogmatically motivated and/or mentally challenged bumpkins out there.

Seeing this sort of thing pushed by state representatives who should know better is shameful, mean-spirited and painfully stupid.

Friday, 29 April 2016

of unrest and truth

There is unrest over transgender people and most of it is coming from deeply conservative pockets of society where the notion of not fitting perfectly within a prescribed binary does sit well.

The problem is that many of these people are not well educated and tend to see things like homosexuality or being transgender as a conscious choice as well as an abomination before God. Some are even the types that, half a century ago, would go to church on Sunday and yet would have little trouble denying a black person the right to sit on the same bus or drink from the same water fountain.

In the southern United States it took a great deal of bloodshed to finally settle things and give some semblance of dignity to African Americans.

Our population is somewhat smaller and more fragile. We are not well organized or as united amongst ourselves so we cling to the LGBT umbrella for support even if it does not fit us entirely well. Without their assistance however, we would clearly be far worse off.

People fear what they do not comprehend or relate to so they invent explanations that suit their vision of how things should be. This applies even to so called academics like the Blanchardians who have created narratives to fill in the blanks where real and conclusive data should reside. Some of this is undoubtedly driven by personal and ideological agendas.

The truth cannot be altered but it can be omitted or twisted.

At some point, it always rises to the surface like oil floating on top of water and that is something that I am waiting to see because I know it’s inevitably coming.


Thursday, 28 April 2016

smart lady

Cyndi Lauper is doing country music days and she chose education instead of not coming to North Carolina in protest over their discriminatory bathroom use legislation. Here is an excerpt from a recent interview:

Unlike Bruce Springsteen and others, you chose not to cancel your June concert in Raleigh, North Carolina despite your opposition over an anti-LGBT law passed by the state recently. Instead, you announced all profits are to be donated to a LGBT charity there. What was your thinking?

Fear is fear. And education is the way. Educate people on the facts and how to protect their civil rights; that there’s all kinds of people in the world and room for all of us. I lived through the civil rights period, I’m still living through the women’s rights period, because obviously all our rights are being stripped, one by one. So I felt that we could go down to North Carolina and teach people how to help themselves and each other – and also at the venue where we were playing we insisted on a transgender bathroom. That’s going to be there forever.

Are you looking for other artists to speak out?

I can’t speak for anyone else. I’m a friend and family member [to transgender people] so where I come from, you don’t allow somebody else to hurt your friend or family member. You don’t allow people to strip other people’s civil rights. In America everyone is a freaking immigrant. Everyone, including Donald Trump. Unless he has some Native American action going on. They can try to change the facts and try to rewrite history and try to lie through their teeth, but they can’t shove that down my throat. Because I don’t have amnesia. Knowledge is power … I don’t know about you, but there was always a unisex bathroom in the studios where I worked. Nobody gave a hoot.

What really bothered me was the fact that they passed a law that would try and make it difficult to have anti-discrimination built. Because once you take that step, you’re playing a dangerous game. And you never know when that discrimination is going to turn toward you




Wednesday, 27 April 2016

my humble advice

The reason this blog was started was to try and understand how my childhood interest in behaving and dressing like a girl became sexualized by puberty.

Now some people who think they understand this subject and know nothing about what it’s like to be me are coming up with conclusions except they lack solid information to do so. They are also telling me my prepubescent feelings are either straight lying or self-delusion which is of course untrue because I had them. Most of the people who read my blog had the same feelings and still do today.

There is no official handbook which spells out what to do about them.

I know I will never transition; of that I am certain and my advice is to get to know yourself inside and out and figure out the rhythms of your gender dysphoria. This will calm the waters tremendously and allow you to be yourself no matter who that might be.

Don’t model yourself after anyone else and never take professional advice from someone who knows less about this topic than you do. I can spot these types in an instant and this includes psychologists with no training in gender issues.

Understand that gender expression should not be limited to someone else’s standards. Therefore if your working environment allows for alternate gender expression then proceed accordingly.

When N and I were away on vacation I came out to two people who could care less about the way I am and found my honesty very refreshing. They could not understand why I had suffered so long for something so utterly benign.

Tuesday, 19 April 2016

good on the New York Times

The New York Times pens another scathing editorial chastising some of the more backward thinking States passing these ridiculous transgender bathroom bills. I am afraid though that before sanity prevails we will see more lunes say and do bizarre things.

There is no other way to view these laws other than they are based on misinforned prejudice and hatred. Presumably they would prefer seeing a pre-op transsexual woman get assaulted by someone named Bubba wearing a "I love Jesus and guns" baseball cap in a men's bathroom.

I keep saying that there is no shortage of dim bulbs on this planet and I hope this issue doesn't divide the Americans the way slavery once did.

You can find the editorial here




Monday, 18 April 2016

getting to know us

Getting to know us is difficult. We spend so many years in hiding that the self discovery process can become stalled. We have become such incredible experts at subterfuge and camouflage.

You can't blame others then for being surprised when we come out of hiding by then brimming with impatience from holding our breaths for so long.

Practicing this ruse cones with a price in that we don't allow ourselves the dignity to be genuine that we end up learning in mid to late life. It sometimes feels like using atrophied muscles.

I have been getting to know the woman that lives within me and I like her.

Yesterday N and I were out shopping and she quipped "I need to get something appropriate for women our age"

I reacted with a chuckle and very much appreciated the acknowledgement.

Sunday, 17 April 2016

life is just like that

N's father is in declining health and a recent discovery confirmed it; he is in his last months of life. Also suddenly my son's anxiety has been racheted up after something triggered it out of the blue. The timing couldn't be worse as we are set to go away down to Mexico for N's 50th birthday celebration.

This trip has been booked for months and the turn of events have put a damper on the mood.

Life has a way of surprising you as we ride its fickle ups and downs. Upon reflecting one week away will not have much of an impact on either scenario and yet we are still distracted by the sudden events.

We are so governed by guilt and as parents ourselves or as children of ageing parents we want to take away all of their burdens and put them on ourselves. Sadly we cannot but I know my own struggles have shaped who I am and I wouldn't change them.

I told my son that I was proud of him and that he would come out better on the other side. It's easy for a 53 year old with many more years of life experience to say that to a 16 year old but he will need to see for himself. He is an intelligent and considerate young man with a good head on his shoulders and I am very proud of him.

As for N's father he has lived a long life and at some point some infirmity catches up to us. The trick now is to make his remaining time as peaceful and pain free as possible

Life doesn't come with an instruction manual and we learn on the job. Somehow I am not sure I'd have it any other way.

Saturday, 16 April 2016

a mirror to the soul

They say the face is a mirror to the soul.

I wasn't really happy for many years and it showed in both modes. When I did venture out I was nervous, hesitant and paranoid. I was sure that all eyes were on me and everyone knew that I was a crossdressed male.

Today I smile and speak to people. Yesterday I was in a store I sometimes frequent and the young saleswoman who served me thought that I only spoke English but no French. When she discovered that wasn't the case her eyes brightened and she told me that she had wanted to serve me before but thought I was unilinguial. This by virtue of hearing me speak to her colleague who I more often dealt with.

She told me that she thought I must be a nice person because I seemed so happy by the way I interacted. We spent a few minutes chatting as the store was momentarily devoid of other customers. Turns out she is a lovely human being with a young son and husband. She resolved to be the first one to serve me next time as we hit it off so well.

The exchange only confirmed even more how important being comfortable in your own skin is. If it truly is the case your face will reflect it.



Friday, 15 April 2016

breaking down barriers

Increasingly there are people out there who don’t feel comfortable following the old gender rules any longer and are doing as they please. This doesn’t just apply to transgender people but to everyone.

Most of the stereotypes have been broken. Men perform tasks and responsibilities traditionally reserved for women and vice versa and people are freer than ever to choose the gender rules that best applies to them.

Men are not afraid to wear jewelry or a pink shirt and young teen boys can regularly be spotted wearing two earrings in their lobes. Girls join boys’ sports teams and wear pretty much what they please. Stereotypical jobs historically performed by one gender are getting harder and harder to find.

Living the way we were before was stifling and limiting. It was also denying some people the right to do something they loved by virtue of the sex they were born as which is completely ludicrous.

For those people who still have trouble getting with the program it’s a bit late to complain because that ship has already sailed.

Welcome to the 21st century.


Thursday, 14 April 2016

learning to let go...

Last time I took an IQ test I scored around 135. While this puts me in the top 2% of the general population, it's not exactly good enough to qualify for Mensa (it starts at 147) nor does it qualify for genius level.

Being intelligent has given me advantages in life but perhaps also made it more difficult in that it has often meant overthinking things and always wanting to know the whys. That desire to comprehend is why I had such a hard time accepting that I was transgender. Things like that just weren’t supposed to happen to a person like me; not when every other area in my life seemed to be under my control.

As I age one of the most important things I am learning is to let go and accept. This has removed a good deal of stress from my life and, as I approach the end of my 54th year of existence, I am still learning about myself and every day find some new grain of perspective to chew on.

Repatriating part of who you are takes time and what I used to see as an appendage to be cut away has been assimilated into my personhood. This means not trying to overcompensate with faux masculinity to hide something I no longer need or even wish to.





Wednesday, 13 April 2016

late in life transitions

Almost on a daily basis you will see a news story on the internet about someone who, after many years of marriage, is suddenly transitioning. These stories used to be shocking tabloid fodder but are becoming almost normal as people who have kept a lid on their deep secret for decades finally come out of hiding.

For regular people who have never questioned their gender, these stories make little sense and they scratch their heads and think: there goes another crazy deluded person. Of course they cannot place themselves in the skin of a person with gender dysphoria.

We are so uniquely different aren’t we? Some spouses take the news as a shock but then adjust while others bolt for the nearest divorce lawyer. There are no right answers here and what happens next is rarely in the hands of the transgender person themselves.

I have tended to be critical here of people who just get up and announce that they are a woman and expect everyone to get with the program. But then I can also very much relate to the struggle that goes in the mind of a person with strong gender dysphoria.

The solution will be as unique as the person and the family that they belong to. All human affairs are messy and full of blurry edges.

The more sensationalist stories make the news of course but then so do the more touching and simple ones that sometimes help the public understand that these people have held on and suppressed for so long for a reason: they didn’t ask for this and didn’t want to hurt their family.

Finding a level of happiness that is almost beyond existential is not for everyone and we all make compromises in life in order to make a living or adhere to promises we have made to others. The trick is to be just happy enough to honour who you are as a person and keeping the ship afloat. All in all, not easy an easy balancing act to be sure and for some there is the risk of not transitioning could lead to depression or suicidal thoughts because of a life unlived.

I was reading a study that noted that late life transitions are mostly driven by the thought of running out of time and not living authentically. When people have raised their kids and have enough wealth amassed to be able to weather the storm is when some allow themselves the dignity of fulfilling a life long dream of living as per who they really are.

Nothing wrong with that.


(Left-Right) Anthony Drew, Josie Saunders, Steven Saunders, Blossie Mountjoy (Steven's mother), Ellie Saunders and Freddy Saunders

Tuesday, 12 April 2016

please pass me the shovel...

Germaine Greer has dug herself another hole.

While appearing on Australian television she had the following to say:

'If you're a 50-year-old truck driver who's had four children with a wife and you've decided the whole time you've been a woman, I think you're probably wrong,'

How Greer is able to say that with conviction is beyond me.

However her statement shows a basic lack of understanding of what gender dysphoria is and how it behaves and also assumes that there is premeditated intent on the part of the trans person to deceive. Most transgender people don’t want to be the way they are and do their best to suppress and truly think they can rid themselves of their dysphoria. Greer would know this if she had conducted even the most basic research.

Transgender people aren't stupid and they understand that they are undergoing a social transition of gender role in order to stop feeling miserable. Gender dysphoria is not well understood but we know that for some people transition is literally a life saving thing. Hence we would do well to leave gender politics out of the discussion and try to help them.

Thankfully to the rescue came the young generation of men and women of Twitter who did not want Greer speaking for them or for transgender people. Both sexes chastised her for being transphobic and behind the times which she clearly is. If she were truly a feminist she would be helping transgender and transsexual people to adapt to the reality they find themselves in instead of chastising them for trying to steal the thunder of cisgender women.

For Greer there's apparently a conspiracy afoot which makes me doubt her wisdom just a little bit. It puts her in the same category about those people who worry about bathrooms.

Once again this new and more enlightened generation demonstrates their tolerance and understanding and makes Greer look like a bitter old person who cannot adjust to the times and to reality.




Greer told the panel Australia has a problem with the word 'know' as a transgender person cannot 'know what the other sex is'

Monday, 11 April 2016

more angst about bathrooms

Here is a nicely written op-ed piece by Jane Eisner that puts into perspective some of the irrational fears that are prompting these anti-transgender bathroom bills.

She concludes it brilliantly by stating:

"So let us not deny the safety of transgender people because we are in more pervasive denial about the violence against all women that persists — indeed, seems to be expected — in our society. Civil rights legislation like this is a necessary first step in becoming a more inclusive and tolerant nation, but we need deeper conversations about what really underlies our fears and about the genuine threats to our safety. Like I said, we have to talk"

You can read the short article here.

Sunday, 10 April 2016

no more artificial standard

Maybe I'm being naive but I would like to see the day when gender fluidity is no longer an issue and people can be themselves. Yes there will always be those who need to fully transition but those who don't require it should be comfortable being who they really are.

It's already starting to happen in the modeling and entertainment industries but has not gone mainstream yet and trans people are still targets for violence in less enlightened places of our world.

No there isn't going to be a mass movement towards gender variance but those of us born different will have as much chance to feel normal like the rest of society does. This means no more chastisement from a young age and trying to turn us into something we are not.The current model is based on artificial standards about what a man and woman are supposed to be like.

There are bigger changes to come as we progress further into the 21st century and we will look back to this age as a period of growing pains as we become a more advanced and tolerant society.

Saturday, 9 April 2016

which model to adopt

There are a number of myths which have existed for a long time. One of them is that in order to actually be a genuine transsexual you had to transition or kill yourself. This was exclusively propagated by some classic (now termed androphilic) transsexuals and even resulted for a time in the invention of a condition known as Harry Benjamin Syndrome.

While these people had very intense gender dysphoria and undoubtedly needed to transition, some then turned around and used that as a weapon against others to bolster their own legitimacy. They would even claim that they are actually women based on a complete psycho sexual inversion; ie. they were feminine during childhood and they grew up to fancy boys.

We currently lack real evidence for such claims and the most we could say is that these people fit the classification of a type V or VI transsexual according to the Benjamin scale. Benjamin could not offer any further explanations because he had none to give and we still can’t to this day.

Benjamin's scale was not a hierarchy centered around orientation but more a measure of gender identity disconnect from birth sex and if you look at his patient history not all high intensity transsexuals he treated could clearly be identified as being androphilic.

Still, some of these more militant androphilics seemed to be adopting a model more closely associated with Ray Blanchard’s which not very flattering since it is based exclusively on abnormal sexual functioning leading to self delusion. What you are basically admitting is that you are a homosexual male who transitioned because you wanted a greater access to same sex partners via the heterosexual male population. This makes little sense as a motivator but then so do the rest of Blanchard's claims.

While Blanchard is clearly off the mark compared to Benjamin, today’s androphilic transsexual is not the same as those from previous generations and feels considerably less threatened and hence less likely to look for battles. Like the rest of us older adults in the gynephilic population, androphilic transsexuals had a much harder time of things and transitioning back then meant going stealth and starting from scratch by covering your previous history.

As bad as things are today for today’s transgender people they were far worse back then and gender dysphoria at its highest levels is no laughing matter.

Friday, 8 April 2016

life as it really is

Based on scientific observation of every other area of biology, virtually every permutation of sex and gender identity should theoretically exist. Which begs the question: to what degree should that reality be subject to control by outside forces.

Historically these have been societal pressure and religious ideas about how life should be instead of how it actually is.

There is no shortage of beautiful and enlightened souls in this world which are matched if not exceeded by complete and total idiots. Just read the comments section of any internet article for evidence of this which seems to predominantly attract the latter. It is particularly bad when the article deals with transgender issues.

This means that if you spend any time at all worrying about how people perceive you it's one minute too many. I spent years as a shy young kid worrying about what a fickle society might think of me if I came out but I am way past caring at my age. Were anyone even give me a nasty look today I'd stare them down and ask if I could help them in some way.

However, while riding the subway the other day a young man tapped me on the shoulder and said to me:

“I just wanted to say that I think you are a beautiful person and I am glad people like you exist”

Now I could have been annoyed about being read but instead I found it so heartwarming that this young man did this and so I gracefully smiled and thanked him. It does not matter what stage of transition he may have assumed I was at but it confirmed that we need show we are proud and happy when we are out in the world. If I seem to project that then I am glad which makes being read more than worthwhile.

Another recent encounter had a young woman serving me coffee and commenting how much she liked my coat and presentation. When I quipped back "not bad for 50 hey?" she made a gesture with her head and finger I have seen African American women make which loosely translated would stand for "you got it goin' on girl". Needless to say I was pleased.

It helps make up for all those hateful comments from those who would deny us existence or even the right to pee.

The battle lines between trans people, radical feminists, religious and political conservatives have been drawn and it will take a while for the dust to settle. In the meantime we need to stand our ground and continue living by holding our heads high and keeping our self respect. Its the only thing that ultimately we can control.

Uninformed opinions are like assholes in that everyone has one but ultimately there is only one truth and that rests on respecting the rights of others if they don't infringe on your own. Some people will never get past that stage because their own insecurities won't allow them to.

For the record I have always used the women's bathroom and have never had an issue. That may be because I pass well but I also like to think that I live in a place where people have more enlightened attitudes about such things.

Thursday, 7 April 2016

dysphoria and sexual release

Recently I was reading a thread posted on the Susan’s Place website where the person stressed about whether they were transsexual based on the fact that immediately following masturbatory release their TS feelings seemed to subside. Of course they inevitably returned and based on the comments received this person was not unique in this manner. Many of the responses were quite interesting and very perceptive.

This issue used to worry me as well and make me think that my gender dysphoria was not real.

It turns out that all people masturbate. Some a little, some a lot, some almost never and some dressed as women or not. Some do it to fantasies imagining themselves having relations with men and/or women and some, like me, do it while imagining myself doing something very intrinsically female.

I used to try and force myself to masturbate and in those moments afterwards revel in the fact that I didn’t really have gender dysphoria and that it was all in my head. The feelings return of course and don't go away unless you transition.

Sexual feelings need to be released and for people with dysphoria it may even help relieve the stress of having this condition in the first place.

If you, like me, were unfortunate enough to grow up religious and sexually repressed, masturbating to anything meant you were doing something wrong in the first place. Having it be that much more abnormal made it worse and only encouraged me to bury the feelings that much harder.

I can laugh about this now but it was certainly no laughing matter at the time.

Wednesday, 6 April 2016

anger

When I finished my sessions at the Montreal General Hospital gender clinic in 2007 I was told that I had a good deal of pent up anger. I knew this to be true and it bubbled up to the surface as my marriage came to an end and the frustration of all those years of suppression took their toll. Even as I was approved for the next phase of treatment at a private clinic I decided to forgo that move and stop the process cold.

After having met N again, living together for 3 years and thinking all was well again it wasn’t and I would periodically explode in a rage that would have me yelling at the top of my voice. This culminated in one incident which scared N enough to have her packing and leaving me. The year we were apart was when I began to write this blog to try and deal with that anger and attempt to resolve the gender issues that had plagued me since earliest memory.

Anger is an insidious beast which will eat away at your soul. It was not allowing me to love myself properly so how could I love others in the best manner possible.

Over the next few years I learned to douse the flames by educating myself as never before on this issue and by looking inside to try to figure out how I was going to handle it. My dysphoria is strong so it’s not been easy to find a formula that allowed me to manage it without impacting the life of those I love.

If I were sold 100% on the idea that transition was the perfect solution I would have embarked on that path already but I am not and I would not gamble with my life to that extent only to discover it was the wrong move.

Tuesday, 5 April 2016

how we label ourselves

I need to be careful about nomenclature but then I come from the generation when the terminology of transvestite and transsexual for example had very particular meanings. We saw them as boundaries that we are a little less certain about today.

For today’s generation these terms have less meaning. They use words like gender queer, non-binary, gender non-conforming or gender variant to describe their lack of adherence to prescribed gender roles. Even the term transsexual is no longer used by gender therapists and I was reminded of this when I went to see Helene Cote at the Montreal General Gender Identity clinic a couple of years back.

The problem with strict definitions is that they are made to be broken and recast. Some people start off with an understanding of themselves and years later take a different path they did not expect to take. Does that mean that their original label was incorrect or did their mindset shift over time as they began to truly understand what made them tick?

All people learn and grow with time and shed the restrictions placed on them by society. They do so at their own pace with some being more rebellious and some more conservative depending on their nature and life circumstances.

Maybe we should be careful with labels and allow ourselves a looser grip with how we move forward in honouring what makes us who we are. What I thought I understood about myself a few years back has changed and I have a different mindset now.

Such is the complexity of the human experience.


Sunday, 3 April 2016

everything old is new again

I have always been fascinated by female impersonation and have vivid early memories of seeing men crossdressed on television and wondering why I wanted to do the same. My first were Flip Wilson doing Geraldine and Jim Bailey on the Carol Burnett show. Later it would be Christopher Morley on an episode of Switch with Eddie Albert and Robert Wagner and then on the show Vegas.

It is most certainly an art form that when done correctly gives an almost perfect illusion. Think of Laverne Cummings (pictured below) with that perfect presentation including credible singing voice and her own hair.

Back then I had no understanding of why I wanted to be like them and tried my best to distance myself from those feelings but now I embrace them and do my best to perfect my dressing, mannerisms, makeup and voice.

By the 1970's it had all but fallen out of favour but in its heyday it was a popular and well viewed form of entertainment. Many perhaps did not realize the great majority of the performers were homosexual men or pre transition transsexuals.

Things fall out of favour but return and with shows like Ru Paul's drag race we have seen a resurging interest in this medium. The main difference being that the performers are overwhelmingly gay men with no identity confusion.

The world has become more diverse now and people feel free to be themselves.

Aren't you glad we are still here to witness it?




Saturday, 2 April 2016

rubber hits the road

Transgender people cover a wide spectrum of society. They come from all walks of life in terms of ethnicity, education levels and professions. This has made trying to label them in one sweep of the brush exceedingly difficult.

As they come out of the woodwork it becomes challenging to stereotype them. Compare today with even 10 short years ago and the difference is nothing short of remarkable.

This has served to discredit further those who would look for simplistic theories to marginalise and dismiss their reality. As mentioned two posts ago the work of Freund and Blanchard is all but entirely discredited. If that weren’t the case we wouln't have government institutions and the courts enacting laws to protect trans people.

The Blanchardians have now retreated to Twitter where they can feed off each other’s academic hubris.

After all what do you do when members of police forces, judges, politicians and litigators are themselves transitioning or admitting to their gender variance? these are credible and professional people and not sex workers on a seedy corner of the city.

Everything I write in this blog about gender is overriden by reality. The rubber hits the road when someone needs support and guidance and, with today's transparency, more people are willing to offer it and act as role models.

Society may not completely understand what to do with us yet but increasingly people are starting to personally know a transgender person. As recently as a decade ago it was far easier to be dismissive.

It ain't so easy anymore.

Friday, 1 April 2016

an important clarification

Most of the people whose blogs I frequent are transgender or transsexual. This means that the knowledge that something was different about them dates back to earliest memory and those who crossdress use it as a part of a strategy to manage their gender dysphoria. There is a section in Harry Benjamin's book where its proposed as a non-surgical treatment method for transsexualism.

When I was trying to find a solution for myself I would come upon websites that dealt with curing crossdressing desires. At the time I felt that I needed to heal from what I determined to be a curable abnormality. I sincerely believed that such sites could be helpful and provide inspiration. Ultimately they weren't and my understanding today that I am a borderline transsexual has completely changed my mindset on this issue.

I occasionally still come upon a site that proposes that one can be “cured” of the affliction of crossdressing which only gives me visions of some young transgender kid ending up there and not finding what they need. A sexual addiction is not the same thing as being transgender.

If one began to crossdress for the purposes of sexual gratification then its very likely one can stop because the dressing is not tied to identity. If it ultimately winds up causing distress then this is a significant sign that there might be a problem. However in general, transgender and transsexual people find relief by crossdressing.

I remember being very concerned about Catholic doctrine and so years ago I consulted a Monseigneur who told me it was at worst a morally neutral issue. But then he also reminded me that crossdressing is a verb and not a noun and that there was more to me as a person than whether I crossdressed or not. I never forgot that.

It is not uncommon for some transgender people to go through a phase where they identify as a crossdresser. This can sometimes help remove some stigma and avoid a potentially bigger question of whether there is something more to their desire to crossdress.

As for those who have successfully cured themselves from what they consider to be a sexual addiction? they are to be congratulated. But we are not all the same and we cannot be painted with the same brush.

This blog has always advocated the idea that transition should be a last resort and there are ways to cope with gender dysphoria. Crossdressing may just be one of those tools that works.